Here’s How to Tell if You Have Ebola


2014-10-25 – Here’s how to tell if you have Ebola. If you are reading this post you don’t have it. Send this test to your friends. If they read this post, they don’t have Ebola. Of course this test is not foolproof. False results are possible, but false results occur approximately one time for every one billion tests. It is extremely accurate.

WARNING: Failure to read this post does not correlate with having Ebola. It is only the reading of the blog that correlates with being Ebola-free . . .  but you never know. Make sure to have your friends read it so that you can have peace of mind.

* * *

Did you ever notice how many articles offer you ways to tell if you have a particular disease? I don’t even click on them anymore. They usually list symptoms that are so vague that anyone could have the disease.

  • Do you experience periods of high energy followed by periods of fatigue?
  • Do you feel hunger on a daily basis?
  • Do you feel extreme thirst when you do strenuous exercise?
  • Do you feel warm when you stand out in the sun on a summer day? Or chills when you walk 10 miles in the snow?
  • Do you read many “Here’s How to Tell if You Have . . .” articles?

I think we like to scare ourselves so that we feel blessed relief when it turns out that we don’t have the dread disease.

* * *

I had my flu shot yesterday. The city was giving them out at the 49th Ward office. I live in the 50th, which adjoins the 49th, so I rode my bike over. On the way I passed a park office that was festooned with political signs. Early voting was happening there, so I stopped to vote on the way home.

The voting machine was computerized. That way they could load any ballot into the machine and it would be appropriate for your home precinct. The touch screen was pretty slow in sensing my vote, until I noticed that the vote would register if I touched the screen a fraction of a tad to the left of center for each box. Then it would put the X where I wanted it. That was okay for me. I usually vote left of center. It was reassuring to me, when I was done, to see the machine display to me an actual paper record of my vote for my final approval, before it sucked it back into the ballot box.

Last time I voted, the ballot was about the size of my desk. I never figured that one out.

* * *

Unfortunately there is no vaccine to immunize you against politicians. Imagine if you had to vote to decide which illness you would get! And you had to accept whatever illness garnered the majority of the vote.

I like the vaccine system much better. A little prick and your done.

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