2013-08-01 – Stung by a series of political losses, the Republican leadership has introduced the Currency Reform Act of 2013. “We can’t seem to be able to win even a simple coin toss,” said House Speaker John Boehner. Under the CRA, U.S. coins will cease being minted with two sides, heads and tails. “From now on,” said Boehner, “real American coins will only have one side. Every coin will be heads only.”

A spokesperson for President Obama said that “everyone knows you can’t have a coin with only one side,” but went on to say that the President would sign the measure into law. “The President doesn’t mind giving the Speaker a coin that only has heads. Everyone in the capitol knows that the Speaker always calls tails.”